The following is an excerpt from, “Throw off Pornography”, the 4th book in the “Lord of My Life” series. You can download the complete book for free through Amazon Kindle, Apple Books or Barnes & Noble. You can also order the paperback version through the Amazon bookstore. Find direct links for all of these at ktfproductions.com under the store tab. Visit every week and receive weekly excerpts January through April of 2024.
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER 90 DAYS?
Remember the statistic I shared earlier? Studies have shown that it takes anywhere from 18-254 days to break a habit. The day of freedom is different for each of us. For someone that day could be day 67. For another it may be day 167. It is true that the Holy Spirit has the power to break any stronghold. He can break any addiction. If he chooses, he can do it instantaneously. If he wanted, you could be free on day 1. However, in case you have to take the longer journey, and if you have not found freedom after 90 days, do not throw in the towel. Typically, the longer you’ve been ensnared, the longer it will take before you find complete freedom. After 90 days, whether you are experiencing freedom or not, I encourage you to never let down your guard. To live in freedom is to live in recovery until you are truly able to prefer obedience. Do not allow Satan to reestablish his hold on you. Do not become spiritually lazy and let your guard down, or spiritually overconfident and think you can now handle situations that were once a problem for you. It only takes one slip, and you’re back to your vomit (Proverbs 26:11). It always takes longer to build something than to tear it down. If you aren’t careful, you can build a track record of 90 days of abstinence only to see it all fall apart in one day.
ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER
Undoubtable, after 90 days, you will feel freer than you did on day 1, especially if you’ve filled the void left from pornography with godly pursuits. Remember the skinned knee analogy? Hopefully, you will have advanced past the third “choke point”. Hopefully, you will experience a level of freedom where you no longer feel the pain of constant struggle, as God continues to bring about complete healing underneath. Like a skinned knee that is on the mend, there comes a point where we can resume life without the constant pain of struggle, but the knee isn’t completely healed. Without us knowing it, healing is taking place underneath the skin. If that is the case for you, then maybe you can exhale a bit and institute newer safeguards while not abandoning the old ones. If you’ve taken this journey alone and have struggled in silence, now is the perfect time to “go public”. If you are up to it, an accountability partner is a great way to maintain your sobriety.
After 90 days, you’ll likely feel less of the shame and condemnation that comes from the habitual sin of pornography and masturbation. You should feel brave enough to share your story with others who can help you extend the streak. It can be difficult to take the step of finding an accountability partner on day one of the 90 Day Challenge because that is when you are at your most vulnerable. If you were to backslide in front of someone you trust, it could prove devastating to your pride and self-esteem. However, after a 90 day track record you will be less prone to failure. After 90 days, an accountability partner can be a support, and not a stressor.
We are all built differently. Some of you may choose to have an accountability partner during your 90 Day Challenge. For me, I was too afraid to entertain the idea. I was afraid of failure. It is hard enough to approach God after the shame of a backslide. How much more from a human being? We know that God is quick to forgive. Scripture assures us in Psalms, chapter 103, verse 12:
as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As I said earlier, I trust that God is quick to forgive, but I’m not so trusting of humans. We have a habit of judging each other or changing our perception of one another after a fall. So, it was difficult for me to trust anyone with such an embarrassing secret early on. But after 90 days, I proved that I was serious about my success. I’d proven to myself that my chances of failure and embarrassment were small. I was ready for an accountability partner.
The purpose behind an accountability partner is to alert someone else of your intentions to remain porn free. The simple fact that they are in on your struggle provides an additional incentive, or an additional layer of protection for continued success. You know that at any moment they may ask how things are going and that may give you all the incentive you need to stay on track. You’ll have a cheerleader, a support in your corner, praying and hoping for your success. For some this may be the perfect answer.
However, if you want an anonymous supporter, there are apps that can help. covenanteyes.com is a website designed to help those who are looking for freedom from porn addiction. You can download the app which was created with Christians in mind. I have personally never used it, but someone I trust has. There is a recurring fee. At the writing of this book, it was $17/month. I’m sure there are other technological solutions that could help in your efforts to remain porn free. I would encourage you to explore what might be helpful for you.
Also, over the 90 days, you may have developed practices that I haven’t mentioned or may have customized a few safeguards that have helped you. Continue doing what works. Over time, I’m confident that the Holy Spirit will have washed your mind clean of the addiction. He will have rewired your brain. You will have been cleansed by his power. Even still, we should never underestimate the power of this addiction. If we failed once, there is always a chance, even if it is very small, that we could fail again. The ultimate goal is complete freedom. You will know when you’ve achieved complete freedom because you will truly prefer obedience to God. Until then, stay on guard.