The following is an excerpt from, “Throw off Pornography”, the 4th book in the “Lord of My Life” series. You can download the complete book for free through Amazon Kindle, Apple Books or Barnes & Noble. You can also order the paperback version through the Amazon bookstore. Find direct links for all of these at ktfproductions.com under the store tab. Visit every week and receive weekly excerpts January through April of 2024.
ALONE TIMES
Another common trigger is simply finding ourselves alone with nothing to do. As the saying goes, “idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” When we are alone, we are more vulnerable because we have the time and the privacy to fully indulge in our sinful behavior. For porn addicts, being alone with nothing to do is a recipe for unabated sin. It is the incubator for our evil desires because being alone provides the perfect opportunity for us to operate in darkness. It makes it easy for us to convince ourselves that we can hide our sin or that we can get away with it. And if you have struggled with sin, you know that “getting away with it” is only an illusion. Remember the story of David and Bathsheba? 2 Samuel 11, verses 2-4a gives us a snapshot into how he was “dragged away by his own evil desire and enticed.” Then, “after desire was conceived, it gave birth to sin; and sin, when it was full-grown, gave birth to death.”
One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her.
Even David, who wrote most of the Psalms, who was “a man after God’s heart”, and who was chosen to be king by God himself, allowed his thoughts to turn into sin. As a result, he committed rape, adultery and eventually, murder. If we want to be free of pornography, we have to take our triggers seriously. We must be able to identify the traps and avoid or combat them effectively.
For me, being alone was the ultimate trigger. When I was caught up in the sin of pornography and masturbation, I’d look forward to my alone times. I’d plan for them. Knowing that I was planning to sin, the convicting song, “Save A Prayer”, by Duran Duran would often invade my mind. In it he sings, “don’t say a prayer for me now, save it till the morning after.” Premeditated sin is the worst because we are guilty of knowingly, willfully committing sin. In Psalms, chapter 19, verse 13, David wrote:
Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression.
To throw off pornography we have to take a stand against willful sins. It has to become unacceptable. We have to take on a new mindset. Once I’d planned to fail. Now, I’d have to plan to succeed. Therefore, because we know that being alone is a trigger in and of itself, during the 90 Day Challenge we should make every effort to avoid it. If it cannot be avoided, we should prepare for it. We can pray for the Holy Spirit to remain active during our upcoming alone times. We can plan meaningful activities to keep our mind distracted. We can distance ourselves from the internet so that we do not have access to pornography. If you put your mind to it, I’m sure you can come up with defenses or distractions to help you during alone times. But it starts with the mentality of victory. We must train ourselves to desire freedom. And over time, the Holy Spirit may even help us to prefer it.
TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
Another common trigger is to remain in a bad environment or a toxic relationship. Sexually charged environments or peers that practice or encourage bad behavior can keep us ensnared. It may not be their intent to cause us harm, but they may cause harm, nonetheless. Having friends that constantly talk about their sexual exploits could trip up your efforts. Being friends with sexually active couples who are unashamed of performing suggestive public displays of affection could cause you to fall. Having friends of the opposite sex who always dress provocatively can lead your mind into places it shouldn’t go. Knowingly putting yourself at risk by attending sexually active parties or watching risqué movies can kindle desires that you’ve been fighting to control. You may have to make the heartbreakingly difficult decision to distance yourself from friends who live out these scenarios. A recovering alcoholic shouldn’t go to a bar to make friends. A recovering gambling addict shouldn’t try to find a mate at the casinos. Likewise, if we are struggling with a sexual addiction, we shouldn’t surround ourselves with friends whose lifestyle causes us to struggle with pornography and masturbation.
I once had a female friend who was very much into sexual deviancy. Though she was a good personal friend, simply being in her presence stirred sinful sexual desires within me. On many occasions she would even encourage these desires. I knew it was a toxic relationship because it was toxic to my spiritual wellbeing. It was as if there was a danger sign continually hanging above her head. My relationship with her added fuel to my pornography addiction. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to have it both ways. I couldn’t continue a relationship with her if I wanted to free myself from pornography. Paul reminded the Corinthians in 1 Corinthians, chapter 15, verse 33:
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
If we want to be free of pornography, we need to distance ourselves from temptation. Simply being around her had a negative effect on my spiritual wellbeing. If you find yourself involved in a toxic relationship, one that is hampering your spiritual growth or one that stirs your pornography addiction, you must distance yourself. I know. Relationships are hard to come by. But, at some point, we must come to the realization that we really can’t have it both ways. “Bad company corrupts good character.” It is like mixing yeast into dough. One will get absorbed by the other, and it is almost always the good being absorbed by the bad.